Glass Princess
by BleachedMerc
Summary: Snow White wasn't just beautiful and pure as snow; she was fragile, and all the dwarves knew it. When their beloved princess fell victim to the darkness, they would not cope well...
1. Chapter 1

**Glass Princess**

"I am grumpy!" Grumpy declared. But no one listened. Happy was too happy to hear anything through all the sunshine and rainbows pouring from his ears, nose, and mouth. Sleepy was sleeping, and Dopey was eating Happy's rainbows.

But then Dopey choked on a gamma ray and became Deceased.

Grumpy was even grumpier at this. "Now I'll have to change the name on his bed and dinner table placemat!" he grumbled.

Three hours later, and Grumpy returned from a trip from the embroidery place, a.k.a. Snow White's room. It only took Snow White five minutes to embroider a new placemat and blanket for Deceased, but Grumpy spent 175 minutes extra to rant and rave about the green grass growing all around, all around; the green grass growing all around. And also something about a tree with a limb with a branch with a twig with a leaf with a nest. How troublesome.

"I am still grumpy!" Grumpy muttered. But by this time, the aurora borealis was pouring out of Happy's every orifice so he couldn't really comment. Sleepy was dreaming of sleeping, and Deceased was playing with flies—or rather, the flies were playing with him.

At any rate, Grumpy didn't stop announcing his grumpiness until a knock sounded at the door. That's when he started screaming his grumpiness at high volume, and as the knocks got louder, so did he until his voice box exploded. Grumpy was no longer Grumpy, but evolved into Lifeless.

No one noticed.

The knocks continued at the door, and the full-fledged supernova raging at the heart of Happy's cornucopia of love irradiated him to the point where he transformed into Departed.

You would think by now, with all the knocks sounding off like bombshells, that Sleepy would wake up to answer the door. Well you thought wrong. Sleepy snored, and then snored some more. He rolled around on the ground where he yawned deeply and snored even louder than the knocks at the door.

All the air he sucked into his lungs acted like a vacuum, pulling in everything in sight. First he sucked in the rug, followed by a table, a ton of books, the bookshelf, a lamp, some flowers, a flower vase, all the floorboards, the stairs, Snow White, the curtains, the windowpanes, the ceiling, the roof, and the outside flora. However, when inhaled for the final time, a wayward stick got lodged sideways in his throat and choked him.

The knocking had ceased at the door when the door collapsed in due to lack of support from the inhaled cottage structure. Roo bounced in and reached his hand into Sleepy's—now turned Stiffy's—mouth and yanked out the lodged Pooh stick. He consequently returned it to the Fellowship of the Pooh.

The end.


	2. Chapter 2

"I want BASHFUL!" One fangirl screamed, ripping off her top and spinning it above her head like it was some sort of weapon.

"Oh, Sneezy.." Another one swoon and fainted. Maybe she hoped someone would catch her, but they didn't. **_SMACK!_** Mild concussion.

"DOC! YOU ROCK!" Some alternate-punk chick screamed with both hands cupped around her mouth. She then leapt onto the stage and rattled the fence that separated her from her desired prize.

That's right. The Seven Dwarves, had just broken up during their reunion world tour. It had been seventy-four years since their debut and they hadn't been heard from since.

Released from the Disney Vault (The $%# 's that?) they were reappearing for the first time in over half a century.

And these chicks were going wild.

Guess it's true what they say, chicks DIG older men… Hmm.. maybe it's because they're shorter, dumpier and-

Anyway, those prune-faced, old softies had a huge reputation to live up to.

Ya see, they all shared a tiny little shacky lean-to out in the woods with Snow White, a young lass know as "THE FAIREST of them ALL."

I'd beg to differ, but if she's sharing a roof with 7 other men.. heh, maybe she is fair to them all.

Anyway, back to what's going on now, it was said that the seven dwarfs had a falling out, with 4 of them setting off to form their own alternate-rock bluegrass band.

So far, Doc, Bashful and Sneezy had all publicly announced that they were in fact three of the members, with the fourth remaining anonymous until their stage debut.

And the suspense was driving everyone crazy.

Strangely enough, their audience were all chicks save for three guys named Stanley, Stan, and Lee.

Now Stanley was what you would call a homewrecker and Stan and Lee was some old dude. And Stanley had gotten it into his head that should he manage to get on stage he'd rule the world. Yeah, I dunno, maybe he does drugs or something. Anyway, Stanley robbed a bank, shot a federal police officer, and had a short lived career selling lemonade. All this was done in an effort to raise enough money to buy a ticket for this crazy event. Crazy in so many ways. Especially since Stanley ran a company or something and had more money than I do, but that's another story.

Anyway the craziness reached its peak when the fourth member of the band was finally revealed.

Okay he wasn't revealed yet, but he will be, I promise.

First Doc came out sporting his new duds. He was wearing a red tunic with orange buttones, a black belt, brown trousers, light brown.. what are those, small potato sacks? A yellow cap and righteous reflective shades. Basically what he always wore (and presumably never took off) except for new shades. He took his place behind the drumset on the stage.

Sneezy was next, sneezing up a fit and muttering something about "fuzzking." (I dunno, I'm not privy to the details and all sneezy was doing was sneezin'. He, too had a new outfit to reveal, tight black leather, a spiked collar and a face paint. So.. basically his usual get up too.

He was followed shortly by Bashful.. or.. would have been if Bashful hadn't gotten spoked by that chick that shouted at the beginning of the story. He ran and hid in a laundry bin backstage.

Everyone was on the edge of their seats waiting for the big unveiling. They were so intense that nobody noticed little Roo bouncing up through the crowd.

Finally some chick burst from the entranceway hooting and hollering, "I got Dopey's pants!"

That's right, Dopey's pants were the fourth member of the band. Wow, way to ruin it, random chick.

Anyway, as if to answer everyone's prayers, the chick tripped over Doc's drumsticks and crashed to the floor. Everyone in the audience laughed.

Stanley found it so funny that he completely forgot about fame and fortune and stopped butchering the Spiderman comics.

Doc, being a doctor.. or.. giving everyone the impression he was a doctor of some sort, bent down to examine the lass.

He picked up the murder weapon and declared, "Hey! These aren't my drum sticks!"

Roo bounced up on stage and snatched the Pooh stick. He consequently returned it to the Fellowship of the Pooh.

The end.


End file.
